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I've had a great few days, which I will outline in a minute, but right now my productive and good mood has been sucked away by Victoria Jackson and her idiocy. I'm not going to rant again, but have a look at this post (side note, I got tumblr - doomed I am) and you'll see why.

I've actually been really productive the past few days, practicing well, actually studying in my breaks, orchestra was good - I even came home from rehearsal last night and did more practice. Teaching was great on Monday despite having no breaks at all. 
Oh! I played in string class and it was really encouraging - it's always nice to hear that I'm improving.
Let me see, what else. I finally finished a (rough/out of order) first draft of my English assignment, which I have been procrastinating typing up for about 2 hours now (fanfic ftw).

Wow this entry is all over the place. Right. Today.
I decided that sleep was more important than my 9am class, as I just wasn't awake and alert enough anyway. I stayed up too late last night, it was one of those ones where I looked at my clock after what felt like 30 minutes and it had been hours...
Then, it was off to my lesson - which was really good. This whole planning practice thing is so great. I must keep this up.
After that, I headed into the city to meet harpisan. It was great to see her, even if it was only for an hour. THEN I called sine_animo and we hung out, pebblegosling even joined us for a little while. And snuggle_monster called us and was put on speakerphone because she felt left out. We all need to hang out before you go, pebblegosling... Although our brains may all explode.
The look on sine_animo's face when the other two were on the phone was utterly priceless. TOLD YOU SO.

All of that aside, I got more work done on the train home on this English thing than I did last night. Strange.

Tomorrow I'm going in to uni when I have no classes so I can study. Today I skipped my class at uni... I think I'm doing this backwards. Hopefully I'll be able to hang out with snuggle_monster and Ame as well - I haven't seen them nearly as much as I'd like so far at uni this year.

With that, I bid you farewell.
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 I have been trying to work up the energy to write this post for nearly two whole days now. It was meant to be a New Years Eve thing but what with phone calls and sleeping in and the show I got a bit behind schedule. Then I went out, got home at 2am, and had to work at 9am this morning. My room still has clothes all over it and that has been on my to-do list for a few days now. But I digress. I thought I'd reflect a little on my year and write it down for once, I'm always interested in how things change. This still counts, because it's not the end of New Years Day yet. Right? =D

So here we go.

2010 was the year:

My year was eventful, apparently )

Wishing you all a happy year to come.
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 I have had a fantastic couple of days. Firstly, well, I overslept (again) and had to rush to meet up with some people from my old church for lunch. Which was boring, but made bearable by the very cute waiter serving us. Tehehe.

After that, I headed home again because [livejournal.com profile] pebblegosling  was coming over so we could go to a carols service (at the church my parents go to now). It was fun, actually, and I am definitely more in the Christmas spirit now. Which is great. It reminded me a lot of what I miss about going to church. And also what I don't miss, which turned into an interesting (and slightly heated, on my part) discussion about faith vs religion.

More about my weekend )

Nine Things )

And because I simply can't help myself, have another Darren Criss video. 'You know it's a party when the suspenders come off ... I don't need them, my pants are staying up just fine.'
[livejournal.com profile] snuggle_monster 's response to that: damn.

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I keep watching the video of the Glee version of 'I Look to You' even though it keeps making me cry. It just sums up so much of the emotional turmoil that I've been through over my lifetime, especially regarding my faith. The understated (for Amber Riley) way she sings it just adds to that. This is what I hold onto.
I love that tv shows, once in a while, throw something up that is actually meaningful. The way they handled the whole theme of religion impressed me greatly. No one group was made to look stupid (well, some characters were but that was for humour's sake - and it was intentional). It's always music that gets me. Always.
It also leads me to say thank you to my friends who accept that I believe what I do, and don't attack me for it. I appreciate this more than I often say <3

(clip here, no youtube links that aren't just the song) 
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Good Friday is always a day for reflection, whether in the course of a church service, a camp, or just on my own. Today, I went to the church my family has been going to for a little while, because haven't been for a while and actually didn't know what services for Good Friday there were around.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how I worship and reflect - there is a simple answer: music. It is so much a part of who I am, that it is simply how my brain functions. There is a power in the voices of those singing about what they believe. Studying music at University, I spend so much of my time 'perfecting' - my technique, my interpretation and my stylistic awareness. When, in reality, these don't matter all that much. They do, if you want to forge a career in music - but to enjoy music, to connect with it, they aren't that important. Church is one setting which reminds me of this. Sure, I notice the mistakes, and when people are out of time, or can't really sing. But it doesn't bother me, simply because it is an expression of faith. Of genuine emotion. And that's what's important.

They played two of my fvourite Easter songs today, so I was happy I went to that particular service. They always get to me - and I think they're beautiful as well.
The first is 'Above all', and I particularly love this verse for the imagery it uses - it always resounds clearly with me. This is partly due to the contrasting meaning of 'above all' from the first section, which is expressing that Jesus is purer, more holy than us.

Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

The second song is 'Worthy is the Lamb', which is where the title of this post comes from.
I'll just post the link here, as personally I can't identify a particular section that is better than the rest.

And on that note, I'd better get going on some of the work I need to do today.
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So. It's late, and I probably should be in bed as I am rather tired from a really long drive home (stupid roadworks) - but tonight I just really wanted to post.
I'm not sure how I'll get this into words, but I'm sure going to try.

Tonight, I went to the youth Bible study group that is a part of my friend N's church. It's like something has been switched back on - suddenly, I feel home again among people of my faith. It's incredible how these things work out. I can't really explain it, it is just a feeling I get when I'm with them. They are awesome, and friendly, and I just fit there. It's not just getting the giggles over catching awkward-seeming parts of conversation, or over someone trying to entwine their arms and clap (don't ask XD) or just finding a bit about these people that makes me feel like this. When we actually started the serious part of the evening - I felt comfortable to speak up. And having what I actually say challenged, in the most supportive environment possible, was refreshing. It sounds strange, but it can be too easy to slip into having what I say about my faith just accepted and not discussed. This kind of discussion really is what I need to grow as a person.
I hadn't realised how much I've been missing this. I knew I missed how my old church used to be, but sitting there tonight, listening, talking, showed me just how much I need it. It's funny how things work out sometimes.

On another note, I have finished all but one easy short piece of work for this week. It's the first time in a week or so that I've felt on top of things. Consequently, I actually feel relaxed and content for the first time in a while. As opposed to spurts of happiness followed by stress.

And now, I say goodnight!
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Let me begin by saying that I love 'Grey's Anatomy'. I really do. I'm one of those people who will watch it until it gets axed, no matter if that's another season or 10. Sometimes, I have no idea why I am so addicted to it. Yes, it can be funny, but it's not a comedy. It's a medical drama - and I'm not so good with blood... It is now so convoluted and soap-opera-esque that sometimes even I (a fan from the very beginning) can't follow it. But sometimes, just sometimes, it just gets it right.

A clip of a great show, and uni ramblings )
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I swore to myself I wouldn't cry this morning. I almost suceeded too.

(Musings on church) )

I'm glad to say my day got a lot better from there! N came over this afternoon, so we could get organised and pack. Twas fun - and pretty funny because we were both pretty out of it. For example, multiple times I went to do something and would completely lose my train of thought. I think we got everything we wanted to done, so all is good. *grins*
I am so excited. *bounces*

Plus, I bought Love Actually - which I am about to go clean up, and then watch it.
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Well here I go.

Currently, I am contemplating how life happens such that the best possible events are interspersed with the worst. Over these past few weeks I have been on holidays, and enjoying every minute I spend with old friends, new friends, even newer friends - heck even work has been pretty fun (for the most part :P). I'm also looking forward to going back to uni, going out to musicals and concerts in the next few weeks. There is just one thing that I am struggling with at the moment, and as always it is a decision that I've had to make.

I hate these kinds of decisions. The ones where both options are just as painful, and so it was just all too hard. But as someone wise said to me "moving on will make no difference, but put you in a better place" No it wasn't the Wizard of Oz....although it would explain a lot! Anyway, you  may be wondering what on earth I am talking about by now. As of Sunday, I no longer go to the Northcote Salvation Army, or indeed the Salvation Army in general. It's kind of hard to explain why, but I guess I'll put it like this. I was drifting, and drifting away from the church itself. I still believe, but it's hard to function properly within a group that does care, but can't connect with me as they once did. I can see I need to start again, but it's still hard to let go of 19 years of history. Change petrifies me. It's only slightly easier when I instigate it. But I will manage, I always have.

On other matters, I am very much looking forward to this weekend. Parties for two very awesome people, and hanging with another very special one =)  And then....I go back to uni! Ta-da.

Bye bye


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November 2011

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