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 I'm not even going to try and recount it all, so have it in list form instead.

Things that happened:

- Orchestra rehearsals: about 16 hours of them
- Orchestra concert (today, it went pretty well)
- Orchestra assessments (cue freak out because mine sucked - passed only because the teacher felt sorry for me and I have to up my game next semester)
- Spring Awakening audition (found out today that I'M IN!! WHEEE)
- My very first Alexander Technique lesson and am already reaping the rewards. Now regretting being so lazy and not doing this months ago.
- Spent a lot of time talking to snuggle_monster (both in silliness and seriousness)
- Read fanfic
- Beta-ed fanfic
- Discovered that Washington's new video screams 'Gaga' and I don't think I like it.
- Met up with thalia03 and Ame at uni
- Saw a really good student theatre play that could have been amazing with a little more tweaking (included an intense, hot, makeout/faux sex scene between two guys)
- Also opera (Turandot) - today really has proven what I want to do, was on SUCH an adrenaline high after the concert
- Decent practice/lesson/new pieces
- Got the first assignment for English and it is on an amazing passage from the brilliant book I got addicted to
- Work on weird days because of orchestra
- I wrote poetry
- Had an awkward moment with a friendly acquaintance who picked up said poetry thinking it was what I was studying and I had to take it back. I might post it here when I rework it a little, not entirely happy with it yet.
- Got home today after said insane week to much Glee Live madness on my tumblr. =D

Things that didn't happen:

- Much study
- Any Indo work whatsoever- Eating at home
- Spending time with my family
- Much sleep

That's all my brain is coming up with right now, I am sure there was more I wanted to say.
At any rate, today was awesome. I am on such a high, and should probably go start my English assignments.
Also sleep.

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 I just got home from work, and for a shift I very reluctantly took it was actually almost enjoyable. The five hours went quickly, and I earned $140 at any rate =D

Whoa, so I haven't posted properly in over a week. I'll spare you all the boring details, here are some of the highlights (I'm in an optimistic mood!)

I had my Indonesian oral exam on Monday, and it was so much fun. I love that I can say that about an exam. I hung out with Ame for a while beforehand, we were supposed to cram but not much got done really. Then we went in, and the analysis of Gerr (the play) was relatively easy, and we both followed each others' arguments really well. We got told at the end that we had probably the best understanding of the play in the whole class. We then spent the rest of the time talking about Glee in relation to role models in the media. Not only did Bu Y let us use that as our topic, she joined in - and made a comparison using Sue Sylvester and a character from the play. It was so funny. She also told us we got in the 80s!! So exciting.
My Indo written exam was on Friday, and I think I did alright - I finished it, anyway. The most stressful part was getting there and finding a park. I hate morning exams because the traffic is terrible, I left an hour and 45 minutes to get there and I was still cutting it really close - without traffic that journey takes 40 minutes.

I got paid a substantial amount more than I expected this week, and so am able to pay of the other insurance claim and still have money to actually spend this month. So I bought Christina Perri's cd and I have to say I love it. <3

My parents have been away since Friday afternoon, and I love having the house just to myself and my brother. It's things like this that show me that yep, I could live out of home. Which is still a vague plan for next year - provided a few things go my way.

I spent the majority of last week procrastinating, some practice, and those exams. Now that I only have my recital and English left, I've been using my time to practice and go through this list of things to organise - mainly on my computer. It's good to be able to just chill.

It was so good to see wolfielove yesterday, random movie afternoons ftw! We should do that more often *nods*

I saw harpisan last Tuesday too - we went to see Rio and had a fair bit of fun. So good to see her again, it's been too long. Even though even short amounts of time away from her seem far too long. <3

On a similar note, I finally got to talk to pebblegosling on Saturday and last night - after not having a proper conversation for ages. It's been a good week for communication, obviously.

My playing is getting better, although I got knocked down a little after my lesson on Thursday as nothing was up to scratch and my teacher pointed out that I'd regressed with my technique. I've calmed down now, but I was a little upset.

Also, last night this moved me so much that I teared up - if anyone needed any more proof that this woman is beautiful, inside and out, this is it. I also know that I follow the right people when my entire dash was just reblogs of this for about half an hour.

I'll stop rambling now, but have a video of NPH being his usual epically awesome self at the Tony awards.

rdm_ation: (Default)
 I really love this song, but somehow I always forget about it. I should download it, really.

In a related note, I really need to remember the line in my title. If I'm being honest, I am struggling to hold myself together at the moment. My good old distraction techniques work for the most part, but when I actually think about some of the stuff that's going on around me I just get really overwhelmed and upset. Plus, I had a flashback last night to my days at my old school because of a line in a fanfic I read (I never know what will get to me) and so that really doesn't help.

I don't really know what else to say about my week, except that it has been ridiculously up and down at best. snuggle_monster and I had an awesome musical night at my place, even if the musical part of that night was cut rather short. Oh well, we still managed to talk until 5am. Skill, we have them.

I then proceeded to sleep through my alarm, and got pissed off at myself for a number of reasons, and kind of exploded.
snuggle_monster, I'm sorry. I actually just needed to vent, and cry, and your logical and sensible arguments went completely unheeded and I apologise if I bit your head off unreasonably. I scare myself when I get like that, because I literally just don't comprehend reason - instead I am upset for the sake of being upset. Thank goodness I don't get like that often.

I forget that I'm not expected to know what to do at all times.

Anyway, enough of that. I have so much to do but I can hardly get myself to start (let alone finish) anything, what else is new... Procrastination you suck. I just know I'm going to end up winging my Indo oral exam, I just know it. I do have English notes, I just have to look up some key words and I do have all of tomorrow. Panic hasn't set in yet because of that.
I need to practice desperately. Oh, and my violin decided that last night was a brilliant time to start buzzing, 3 weeks out from my exam. Great.
I also have a list of random errands a mile long - most of which involve cash and so have been put 'on hold' as such until I get paid this week. Better be on time of I will throw something. I'm pretty sure I'll be flat broke in about a week or so. Fun times.

OH! In better news, I have my car back!! =D
Freedom is sweet. I won't be taking it for granted again for a while. and driving like a grandma
My Dad is also amazing, and I don't have to pay him back for anything until I get a full time job. So I owe a hell of a lot of money, but it's alright for now.

One last thing, I am turning 21 in less than a month. When did that happen?
My parents have decided that I should have a big party (I was going to go with smaller events, but hey i'm not complaining if they're paying...) so I'm currently trying to work out logistics. Just another method of procrastination.

I really should go now. Really really.
So. Bye. *waves*
rdm_ation: (Default)
 And then it comes crashing down. Almost literally.

I had a couple of good days where I finally was feeling okay about everything, and on top of my work, and then I managed to get in another car accident that was my fault. Misjudged stopping distance in the rain... Oh and it was on a major freeway, so police got called and I have a ticket for 'following too close'. Even though they actually weren't around to see if I was, it's just assumed. Gah. I don't need this. I feel so guilty too, as it was the fricking new car that my parents got me. *headdesk*

I could brush one incident like that off, but now my confidence on the road has been shaken. I just... I haven't been so afraid of driving since I was a petrified 16-year-old learner.
I'm amazed my Dad still lent me his car today... I wouldn't lend my car to me.

So easy to say getting up for my 8am lecture on 5 hours sleep was a struggle. Thankfully the day (kind of) improved from there.
My Indo teacher is all kinds of amazing. We had an assignment due today, which I emailed at like 1am, and in our 9am class she had it back, with suggestions, and told me to take a couple more days and add some stuff in. Just, wow.
Conducting was okay, although I kept zoning out. Oops.
Then I met up with thalia03 and we just talked about anything and everything, I ranted about cars and money and stress, and we laughed about all the random connections we have.
Then it was English. Ooh boy that tute was intense. We're studying Hamlet, and somehow the discussion hit too close to home, talking about depression. I was on edge, and getting a bit upset when I was talking at one point, and then got even more so when the tutor made a flippant comment that I took a lot of offense at. I was proud of myself, because I went up to him after class and politely pointed out that he should be more careful of how he says things like that because you just don't know what will trigger people. I know he didn't mean it the way he said it, and he understood and was really good about me pointing it out.
Oh, and another girl who barely knows me waited for me outside just to check that I was alright. thalia03 and I just about melted into a puddle. So sweet.

Speaking of, I am so happy to be getting to know you better, thalia03. Thank you so much for staying with me today, I really needed it.

I'm feeling pretty okay now, I don't have to take public transport to rehearsal tomorrow which is a relief, as it would have taken me 2 hours to do so - I can sleep in a bit now. Which I also desperately need. Now I am off to do a little study and just chill for a while.


PS. I also had my orchestral assessment today, which went better than I expected but I'm still not sure if I'll have done well enough to pass first go.
rdm_ation: (Default)

I love that song so much. 

This week has been decidedly weird. There's all the drama with my car, assignments and everything - so naturally I ended up a bit stressed and strung out. A meltdown of sorts was inevitable... but I nearly made it to mid-semester break.
Yesterday I just lost it, because Ame and I had worked hard on our speech for Indo on Sunday, and thought we were good to go. Then, we read the unit guide and got really confused - so, we went and saw our teacher. Who confused us more, and I was so pissed and confused and stressed that we hadn't done it right and just ugh. I panicked, and got really upset - I hadn't done any practice then either, so I was worried about my lesson, and the fact that I had to go to work. We ended up skipping my second Indo class and I went and used the music room near her flat (she lives on campus) to play and make myself feel better. She also gives the most amazing massages, seriously I felt like I could move my shoulders properly for the first time in a long while. <3 Thank you.

Then, I get home last night and was told that one of my great-uncles has passed away. I'm sad, but more because I'm struggling to remember him. It's strange to think that had it been the same relation on my mum's side, I'd be devastated but because it's on Dad's and we really don't see them much I'm not. Sending my love out to the family though.

And that brings me to now. Still procrastinating fixing this speech and doing the powerpoint (even though it's tomorrow eek) and wondering just where time goes on Tuesday mornings. I'll work it out, but for now I'll leave this here.

PS. It sounds strange because I do see them a bit, but I miss my friends. As in, I miss spending decent amounts of time just hanging out. 
rdm_ation: (Default)
Today was so up and down, it was ridiculous.

I've been in a bit of a down mood since the accident, mainly because of all my savings basically going down the drain.
[livejournal.com profile] pebblegosling , Japan is now looking very very unlikely. I'm sorry, and if I'm being honest that's what I'm most upset about. It's just like me to not realise just how much I want something until the chance is ripped away from me. I'm not even going to do any more calculations, because it'll just depress me.

Anyway, Dad (who has been amazing about this whole thing <3) let me take his car to uni (THANK GOD) today, and let me just say it is SO strange driving a 4-wheel-drive after my tiny little corolla. Goodness. It felt like a monster, even though it's only a small 4WD, as they go. Missing my music already, that's what keeps me sane driving that far every day.

So I get to uni, sit through English and can't focus at all, finally wake up for Indo. All normal, all fine, until one girl is getting her words muddled up and Bu Y decides to start singing. Why? No freaking clue.
'Jumat, Jumat, ada pesta pada hari Jumat' ... Friday. IN INDONESIAN. Best. Lecturer. Ever. Needless to say, after that I could NOT focus. Between laughing that my class ran with it (I am so ashamed that I will now never again confuse the words for tomorrow and yesterday - 'kemarin adalah Kamis' because of this damn song) or just getting the giggles whenever I thought of her singing it.

... It's been stuck in my head. All day.

Then it was another fairly boring music lecture, a break for lunch, and then I hung out with thalia03 before/after our English tute.
In which I remembered that I have a massive thing for intelligence in guys. A guy in my class did his presentation, and he spoke really ridiculously well and was so passionate about the poetry that he was talking about - he was cute too. I was sitting there and just went 'whoa okay you just got about 10 times more attractive to me'
Not that I showed that outwardly (although I think our tutor thought that, more on that in a second).
The poem we were studying was about a graveyard (fail!student, don't remember the name) and someone made a comment like 'Rameses believed that you aren't truly dead until no one remembers who you are'. All I could think of was Dumbledore, and said as much to thalia03. We both made exaggerated gestures with our hands over our heart and muttering, and I caught our tutor sending a confused look our way. Amusing.

I have to go work now, but one last thing:
I PUT MY NAME DOWN FOR SPRING AWAKENING. The orchestra. The director was so excited when I said I played violin, and was a second year music student and ahhhh I'm so pumped! And daunted, because I'll be the only violin if I do it. But mostly excited. I checked the dates, and it's after all of my actual orchestra stuff is finished so there won't be any clashes with that. WHEEEE.

That took the edge off my crappy mood, so <3


Apr. 13th, 2011 08:01 pm
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It's weird how the human body/mind reacts to certain things.

Today I ran into the back of another car, and boy did it scare the crap out of me. I'm perfectly okay, so don't you all fret. I was stopped in traffic, and we started moving, and then I zoned out for a second and bang. I feel like such an idiot right now. Luckily the guy whose car I ran into was really nice, and we just exchanged details and he was thinking straight whereas I really wasn't.
I'm still a little shaken up, even though this happened in the middle of the day, which is what the first line is referring to. Mostly now I'm just stressed because I rely on my car a LOT. Like, uni on Friday - I think I can use my brother's car, but the last thing I want to do right now is borrow someone else's car. OR for work on Saturday, what do I do about that? And when the hell am I going to find the time to take my car to get quotes for repairs and UGH.

Not to mention that it was completely my fault, so I will have to pay for the damage. *headdesk*

I was actually having a really good morning too. Indo was fun, my lesson was actually really good - goes to show that a little good practice > lots of dodgy practice. I also headed into the city to study with sine_animo for a while, which helped cheer me up a bit even if we didn't really talk much.
Thank goodness I have no plans and no obligations tomorrow though.

rdm_ation: (Default)
 Today was pretty all over the place, really. I spent this morning planning on finally doing some decent practice, and it never happened. Rushed off to string workshop and managed not to play (thank goodness). I love how easily I'm getting along with the new music students, and with the ones that I knew already as well. Performance practice class was actually really good - the ensembles were great. Particularly a saxophone quartet, and the trio with harp/flute/viola. Awesome.

I then had an hour's break, in which I finally got to hang out with M, the harpist, who it feels like I haven't seen in forever. Our timetables barely line up. She was incredibly light-hearted and bubbly it took me by surprise. Fun!
Then got to see snuggle_monster for a teeny tiny amount of time. THEN it was on to orchestra. Good. Freaking. God. Firebird is so difficult. Geez. I am so glad I'm not in first year trying to play that piece, I think they were all panicking a little. I don't blame them - if that was my intro to orchestra?! I would have lost the plot.

Normally, that would have been a pretty good day. Except, for some reason in orchestra today I was completely spaced out and feeling quite ill. I think it has something to do with cramps, and that leading to me not eating very well, but it was so weird. I also think I might have some sort of ear infection or the like, because one of the glands in front of my left ear has swollen up and is pretty painful. 

On the plus side, I am in the midst of hatching a crazy plan to watch Glee tomorrow with sine_animo - in a break of hers from uni classes. We're epically awesome. (I'M SO EXCITED GUYS)
And, as an added bonus, I made a deal with myself I could only do that if I did some proper practice. Guess who can now play her study at a reasonable level, after half an hour? That's right. First lot of actual productive practice for the week.

I need to bribe myself more often.
And now, off to bed. Soon.

Edit: Forgot one thing. I saw D today, and was hit with a complete rush of 'omg how was I ever attracted to you?!' followed by my brain going 'yesssss' XD
Today was bizarre.
rdm_ation: (Default)

The most ridiculous things make me laugh insanely hard.

I had a really great weekend - slept over at sine_animo's place with snuggle_monster, watched the Emperor's New Groove because snuggle_monster hadn't and needed to. Of course, she thought it was epic. She also was in hysterics over some things that even I don't find *that* funny. After that we talked, danced to bad 90s music and were alternately ridiculously silly and very serious. We certainly are brain-twins.
Our next thing is trying to get myself, snuggle_monster, pebblegosling and sine_animo in one place to hang out. I think our brains would explode completely. (brain-twins plus brain-twins plus really good friends)
I then went home at about midday on Sunday, and was actually productive. I was so proud of myself.
I went to bed early as well.

Then proceeded to sleep through my alarm and wake up 20 minutes after I was supposed to leave for uni. GAH. Missed my first lecture, got to Indo 15 minutes late, realised I hadn't done the reading or the translation I was supposed, was generally spaced out. I was in such a shitty mood by that point. After that I had a 4-hour break so my thoughts were basically 'I should have just rolled over and gone back to sleep'.
It did improve, eventually. I'm feeling quite good now after my shift at work. I have 2 new violin students who just got violins this week, and they're both getting a decent sound already, which is pretty much unheard of. <3

Another thing that has made me happy is that this time around I can actually play most of my scales straight away. *grins* Progress!!

I think that's all I have to say tonight, just a quick update before I go off to do some more work.
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I am content. Drinking tea and just chatting after a great afternoon/evening.

A stressful-turned-amazing day )
rdm_ation: (Default)
Just when I think I'm getting somewhere, I get shot down again.

Here I go again... )


Sep. 8th, 2010 08:53 pm
rdm_ation: (Default)
What is it with me and stress that means I can't control my emotions? Far out. It's not even that I'm feeling all that bad, more that there are a few niggling worries, and stupid things make me lose it. Why must stress = tears? I don't understand. It doesn't fucking help.

Another rant... )
rdm_ation: (Washington)
Far out I'm tired. I'm sitting here, watching Packed to the Rafters, and doing my best to focus on anything.
I even got a decent night's sleep and everything (9 hours) - my body has just realised how little sleep I've had for the past week and is crashing. Pity I can't just collapse as I have work to do.
Edit: that was now nearly 2 hours ago.

Random updates about my life )
rdm_ation: (Barneyawesome)
This 'study break' started about 3 hours ago. It's like my brain got to a point where it just couldn't cope, and as such shut down. Pretty much the story of my last few weeks. Although now it's gotten to the point where I'm trying to learn 10 different discussion possibilities in 2 days for Indonesian, and 24 lectures worth of information for Asian Studies in 3 days. Plus practicing in between all of that. What the hell happened to little miss organised overachiever? ... I kinda miss her =P. Next semester, I am going to learn this as I go. And thank god I've dropped Asian Studies. One bundle of stress that I do NOT need.

In other news, my friends are awesome. I spent the day studying with pebblegosling because I needed to get out of the rut I was in, and I've found the best way for me to do that is to work with someone else. It did work to an extent. Also, this is a text conversation after she'd gone home. It made me laugh like the crazy person I am. The first message was saying that she'd made the train just in time.
Me: 2 in a row! Virtual high five ... nice. (I haven't been watching too much HIMYM, no)
Pebblegosling: Please. That was legen ... wait for it ...
Pebblegosling (2 minutes later): dary. Legendary!

We're brilliant.

In related news, I really need holidays to hurry up and get here. I'm so tired, better than a couple of weeks ago but still pretty dead, and my emotions are running totally wild. I mean, normally I'm pretty good when I'm with people but lately I've just been so out of it. Trying not to panic about these exams is hard. That's all I'll say about that for now, as I really should try to get back to it now.
Here's hoping tomorrow is productive.
rdm_ation: (Default)
Dear body/universe/exams/whoever really,

I would really like to be able to maintain a good and/or productive mood for more than half a day at a time. The whole rollercoaster thing really isn't helpful at all, especially when the stress makes me unable to fix the things causing it.


PS. I miss [livejournal.com profile] harpisan .
rdm_ation: (Default)
Will somebody please explain what goes on inside my head? Like, before I go completely crazy?

I just feel like I can't do anything right. I can't play my study properly, which makes sense, considering I haven't actually done any work on it this week, I can't even get up as early as I want to. I don't want to sit in a boring Asian Studies lecture about even more stuff that I'm supposed to be remembering. Nor do I want to sprint between classes, and end up flustered every time. Sense of deja vu here from last week, essentially. Even though I am, once again, making progress on this assignment.
I know this is stupid, that I will be fine, and that this will only last for a little while. This rational part of my brain hardly ever wins though - no matter what I do.

I need a holiday. One where I can actually relax.
rdm_ation: (Default)
I am in such an awesome mood right now. Even though I don't really have any more of my Indonesian assignment written. It just might have to do with the fact I was in the company of two of my closest friends.

Prepare for me being a sap... )
rdm_ation: (Default)
My brain is just refusing to function this afternoon. At least I know why I'm panicky and teary this time.

In which I vent )

rdm_ation: (Default)
My Indonesian essay is done! YAY. Not quite 1000 words, but it's close enough and my teacher said it didn't really matter anyway. =D
So happy. I mean, I still have to do the referencing properly - but I can move on to starting the other assignments and perhaps updating my to-do list now.
After I reward myself with the new episode of BBT.

In other news, my lesson was good today. I'm happy with my progess, as is my teacher, so all is good.
Except the fact my shoulders are killing me today, after being really good for weeks. Ah well, physio tomorrow.

Completely random, short, and pointless post. I'll stop now before I make it worse.

PS. Feeling a little left out of all the coupledom surrounding me as of recently XD But very happy for those involved.

EDIT: Back to being stressed and annoyed. Emailed my teacher with my assignment to be checked over quickly, and she emailed back with something about following the guide more closely. I thought I *had*. Gah.
rdm_ation: (Tom)
Finally! A productive day, or at least relatively. My stress levels have significantly decreased over the course of today.
As a reward, I am letting myself watch the next episode of The Big Bang Theory. I need something to wind down, and then I won't be tempted tomorrow night. *nods*

Study, friends, and a little poetry )


rdm_ation: (Default)

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