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[personal profile] rdm_ation
 I really love this song, but somehow I always forget about it. I should download it, really.

In a related note, I really need to remember the line in my title. If I'm being honest, I am struggling to hold myself together at the moment. My good old distraction techniques work for the most part, but when I actually think about some of the stuff that's going on around me I just get really overwhelmed and upset. Plus, I had a flashback last night to my days at my old school because of a line in a fanfic I read (I never know what will get to me) and so that really doesn't help.

I don't really know what else to say about my week, except that it has been ridiculously up and down at best. snuggle_monster and I had an awesome musical night at my place, even if the musical part of that night was cut rather short. Oh well, we still managed to talk until 5am. Skill, we have them.

I then proceeded to sleep through my alarm, and got pissed off at myself for a number of reasons, and kind of exploded.
snuggle_monster, I'm sorry. I actually just needed to vent, and cry, and your logical and sensible arguments went completely unheeded and I apologise if I bit your head off unreasonably. I scare myself when I get like that, because I literally just don't comprehend reason - instead I am upset for the sake of being upset. Thank goodness I don't get like that often.

I forget that I'm not expected to know what to do at all times.

Anyway, enough of that. I have so much to do but I can hardly get myself to start (let alone finish) anything, what else is new... Procrastination you suck. I just know I'm going to end up winging my Indo oral exam, I just know it. I do have English notes, I just have to look up some key words and I do have all of tomorrow. Panic hasn't set in yet because of that.
I need to practice desperately. Oh, and my violin decided that last night was a brilliant time to start buzzing, 3 weeks out from my exam. Great.
I also have a list of random errands a mile long - most of which involve cash and so have been put 'on hold' as such until I get paid this week. Better be on time of I will throw something. I'm pretty sure I'll be flat broke in about a week or so. Fun times.

OH! In better news, I have my car back!! =D
Freedom is sweet. I won't be taking it for granted again for a while. and driving like a grandma
My Dad is also amazing, and I don't have to pay him back for anything until I get a full time job. So I owe a hell of a lot of money, but it's alright for now.

One last thing, I am turning 21 in less than a month. When did that happen?
My parents have decided that I should have a big party (I was going to go with smaller events, but hey i'm not complaining if they're paying...) so I'm currently trying to work out logistics. Just another method of procrastination.

I really should go now. Really really.
So. Bye. *waves*

Date: 2011-06-04 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pebblegosling.livejournal.com

Girlie....I just...*cuddles*

Date: 2011-06-04 11:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
Silly you and your silly overseas adventures :P

Distract me more? Pretty please?

Date: 2011-06-04 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pebblegosling.livejournal.com


Date: 2011-06-05 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
I'm glad :P

*chuckles* XD

Date: 2011-06-04 11:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilean24355.livejournal.com
you're so adorable :) hope you're okay and feeling better xo

Date: 2011-06-04 11:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
Thanks. I am, kind of.

Date: 2011-06-04 12:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilean24355.livejournal.com
I know we don't really talk on a personal level, but I'm here if you need someone to rant to :)
also, good luck planning your 21st! I think that's the best reason to procrastinate :D

Date: 2011-06-04 12:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilean24355.livejournal.com
what have you planned for it so far??

Date: 2011-06-04 12:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
A list of names a mile long (seriously, my family is massive I always forget until I have to list them...)

I'm having it at home, so I hope it doesn't rain XD
We're getting some kind of spit roast catering thing. Possible semi-formal dress code just because I can. That's about it so far :P

Date: 2011-06-04 01:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilean24355.livejournal.com
Ooh, big family party will definitely be fun! (Just not my family :P) That sounds really good so far! Definitely go for a dressed up thing! Any excuse to wear a pretty dress and heels :D

Date: 2011-06-05 03:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bugbeary.livejournal.com
I think you would feel better if you didn't worry so much about NOT feeling better. It's ok to be overwhelmed and to not have it all together and to be worried about things! Vent and cry and carry on and don't worry about trying to make everybody think you're ok if you're not. If you've got a lot to deal with, nobody expects you to keep going like normal. <33333333 *HUG*

YAY for getting your car back!! Ahhh the sweet freedom of a car, hahahaha. Yeah, I learned my lesson about cars back in the day. I've been slipping a bit lately and getting crazy-driver again but the thought of having to pay to fix my car (or worse, totaling it) makes me want to cry so I'm making an effort to drive like a granny. Granny-driving FTW.


Date: 2011-06-05 03:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'm starting to realise this. But it is such an ingrained coping mechanism that I'm not sure how to even stop...
But my parents kind of do. Expect me to go on like normal that is. To be fair, they don't know the half of what's bothering me and I am in no way willing to tell them.

Ahahah granny-driving ftw indeed! XD

Date: 2011-06-05 08:48 am (UTC)
ext_442164: Colourful balloons (Default)
From: [identity profile] with-rainfall.livejournal.com
Brilliant parents are brilliant. :D

Oh, happy 21st in advance! Knowing me and my excellent planning skills, I wouldn't have checked LJ till, like, three weeks after your actual birthday.
What kind of party will you be having?

I scare myself when I get like that, because I literally just don't comprehend reason - instead I am upset for the sake of being upset. Thank goodness I don't get like that often.

*GLOMPS* We all have meltdown I-need-to-vent-NOW-no-matter-what moments. Close friends/family are awesome like that: they'll forgive you the next day. <3

Date: 2011-06-05 09:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
They really are! =D

Ahahahah I'm hopeless with birthdays on here, just quietly.
Big open casual-sort of thing at my house. My initial list of people to invite has something like 95 people on it. Most of which are family/family friends. Insanity XD

This is true. <3

Date: 2011-06-05 10:42 am (UTC)
ext_442164: Colourful balloons (Default)
From: [identity profile] with-rainfall.livejournal.com
95 people?! WOW. I barely know my extended family, and they're all in India anyway, so I'm not used to having dozens of cousins (ha! it rhymes!) and lots of relatives to consider. Even if they were all here, being obliged to invite all these people I barely knew would just annoy me. :D But you really can't just leave them out, can you?

Are you close to any of your cousins? (I don't have any first cousins, so I'm always interested in living vicariously through other people. :P)

This comm is made of awesome:

Date: 2011-06-05 11:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
Actually, that is with me just inviting the ones I do know. There are many more people I could ask if I wanted to...

One of my very best friends growing up was actually my cousin, we've grown apart now but we still have loads of fun. She'd be invited even if it was a friends-only type affair :)
The others, well, most of them are quite a bit younger - there's one on my Dad's side who is 11 now and I know she adores me (I'm the only other girl grandkid on that side of the family), I really need to make more of an effort to take her out for a girls day or something. She's a sweetheart but it's gotten past the whole 'we can play with dolls and it's not weird' phase :P

Date: 2011-06-08 02:03 am (UTC)
ext_442164: Colourful balloons (Default)
From: [identity profile] with-rainfall.livejournal.com
*jaw drops*
You're including family friends in that, though... right? :P

Yeah, I've only really met two of my second cousins - they're both sisters. One of them's... I think 13 now, and very intelligent, much more so than I was at that age haha. And the younger one is a spoilt brat. Ugh, how annoying... she's 8 or 9, I think.

She's a sweetheart but it's gotten past the whole 'we can play with dolls and it's not weird' phase :P

Haha, yep, girls day out sounds like a good plan. XD

Date: 2011-06-08 02:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
Oh yes, sorry, the 95 is everyone. Friends, family friends, friends from school/uni etc. Although that number has now risen to 110-ish
About 40/50 of that is actual family though.

Ugh spoilt brats... not fun.

Must organise that. XD

Date: 2011-06-05 02:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snuggle-monster.livejournal.com
Not a problem. Always here for you <3

YOU'RE 21 SOON. That's not a thing. You're OOOOOOOLD.

Yay for car though! Hi car.

Date: 2011-06-05 02:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rdm-ation.livejournal.com
<3 <3 <3

I'll need that walking frame soon...



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