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'Grace that blows all fear away'
I swore to myself I wouldn't cry this morning. I almost suceeded too.
This morning I went to my old church again, as it was the last time my family would be attending as members of the church. We've all decided to move on (and I already kind of have) after many tears and prayers. I was fine through most of it, but music always gets me. Two of the songs chosen by the ministers today nearly broke my self-control. The first one was 'Jesus, What a Beautiful Name'. It's a simple song, but it just resonates so much as it was one of the ones sung when I really committed to being a Christian back in year 9. So I was sitting there, eyes welling up, but I made it through that one. The second one that I saw come up and went 'oh no' was ... BUGGER IT. It was important, so why did I forget it?
Moving on. I managed to control myself for the entire meeting, (which is a fair effort, for me) that is, until they made the announcement about our family. Mum had been crying for a few minutes (I noticed because she stopped singing) and that was making me start tearing up a little. But the thing that got me? My Dad started crying. I have only ever seen him cry once in my life - I was seven, and my Nanna (his mum) had just died. I was young enough that I didn't really understand a lot of the conversation flying over my head - but seeing Dad cry scared the absolute shit out of me and it showed me that something was very wrong. It doesn't scare me any more, but that was just the last little thing. It wasn't that I missed my old church as it is now, rather that I miss it as it was. I know that's not helpful for anybody, but that's just the way it is. I've also found it really hard to connect at the new one I've been going to on and off, it's just so different from everything I've known. I'll get there, I know I will, but it's going to take a long time.
I'm glad to say my day got a lot better from there! N came over this afternoon, so we could get organised and pack. Twas fun - and pretty funny because we were both pretty out of it. For example, multiple times I went to do something and would completely lose my train of thought. I think we got everything we wanted to done, so all is good. *grins*
I am so excited. *bounces*
Plus, I bought Love Actually - which I am about to go clean up, and then watch it.
Rdm
This morning I went to my old church again, as it was the last time my family would be attending as members of the church. We've all decided to move on (and I already kind of have) after many tears and prayers. I was fine through most of it, but music always gets me. Two of the songs chosen by the ministers today nearly broke my self-control. The first one was 'Jesus, What a Beautiful Name'. It's a simple song, but it just resonates so much as it was one of the ones sung when I really committed to being a Christian back in year 9. So I was sitting there, eyes welling up, but I made it through that one. The second one that I saw come up and went 'oh no' was ... BUGGER IT. It was important, so why did I forget it?
Moving on. I managed to control myself for the entire meeting, (which is a fair effort, for me) that is, until they made the announcement about our family. Mum had been crying for a few minutes (I noticed because she stopped singing) and that was making me start tearing up a little. But the thing that got me? My Dad started crying. I have only ever seen him cry once in my life - I was seven, and my Nanna (his mum) had just died. I was young enough that I didn't really understand a lot of the conversation flying over my head - but seeing Dad cry scared the absolute shit out of me and it showed me that something was very wrong. It doesn't scare me any more, but that was just the last little thing. It wasn't that I missed my old church as it is now, rather that I miss it as it was. I know that's not helpful for anybody, but that's just the way it is. I've also found it really hard to connect at the new one I've been going to on and off, it's just so different from everything I've known. I'll get there, I know I will, but it's going to take a long time.
I'm glad to say my day got a lot better from there! N came over this afternoon, so we could get organised and pack. Twas fun - and pretty funny because we were both pretty out of it. For example, multiple times I went to do something and would completely lose my train of thought. I think we got everything we wanted to done, so all is good. *grins*
I am so excited. *bounces*
Plus, I bought Love Actually - which I am about to go clean up, and then watch it.
Rdm
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You know, I've seen you go through this whole process away from that church, and I'm so impressed (and proud, because I'm mum-like with my friends) with how you've gotten through the toughness of moving on. It was never going to be easy (and was probably made all the tougher by how long this has been going on) but you've been so...grown up about it. (Oh, what a mother I am.) At least you will always have the memories of what that church was for you. But you'll find a new place, don't worry. But you know that.
I'll bet you are excited! *hugs*
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I'm glad I have someone who understands :)
Yeah, it's the time thing, and also it makes me a little sad to think that E and I still aren't the same after all this time - which I've learnt is my fault. A wall has been put back up that I don't know how to break down again >.<
My heart just broke for my
actualmum today, because if I felt like that leaving after 18 years, I can't even imagine how she feels after 47...no subject
Ah well..Times change, and we learn from what we do. Nothing is unfixable.
Ah dear. Yes, that couldn't have been easy. Give her lots of chocolates from me. (But don't forget, she's a big girl, just like you. She'll be alright. =])
no subject
I do know that. (in relaton to both comments)
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It's hard hey. For us, it's more that our church is essentially going nowhere - and we're one of the last major families to leave.
I hope so.