'Grace that blows all fear away'
Dec. 27th, 2009 09:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rdm_ationI swore to myself I wouldn't cry this morning. I almost suceeded too.
This morning I went to my old church again, as it was the last time my family would be attending as members of the church. We've all decided to move on (and I already kind of have) after many tears and prayers. I was fine through most of it, but music always gets me. Two of the songs chosen by the ministers today nearly broke my self-control. The first one was 'Jesus, What a Beautiful Name'. It's a simple song, but it just resonates so much as it was one of the ones sung when I really committed to being a Christian back in year 9. So I was sitting there, eyes welling up, but I made it through that one. The second one that I saw come up and went 'oh no' was ... BUGGER IT. It was important, so why did I forget it?
Moving on. I managed to control myself for the entire meeting, (which is a fair effort, for me) that is, until they made the announcement about our family. Mum had been crying for a few minutes (I noticed because she stopped singing) and that was making me start tearing up a little. But the thing that got me? My Dad started crying. I have only ever seen him cry once in my life - I was seven, and my Nanna (his mum) had just died. I was young enough that I didn't really understand a lot of the conversation flying over my head - but seeing Dad cry scared the absolute shit out of me and it showed me that something was very wrong. It doesn't scare me any more, but that was just the last little thing. It wasn't that I missed my old church as it is now, rather that I miss it as it was. I know that's not helpful for anybody, but that's just the way it is. I've also found it really hard to connect at the new one I've been going to on and off, it's just so different from everything I've known. I'll get there, I know I will, but it's going to take a long time.
I'm glad to say my day got a lot better from there! N came over this afternoon, so we could get organised and pack. Twas fun - and pretty funny because we were both pretty out of it. For example, multiple times I went to do something and would completely lose my train of thought. I think we got everything we wanted to done, so all is good. *grins*
I am so excited. *bounces*
Plus, I bought Love Actually - which I am about to go clean up, and then watch it.
Rdm
This morning I went to my old church again, as it was the last time my family would be attending as members of the church. We've all decided to move on (and I already kind of have) after many tears and prayers. I was fine through most of it, but music always gets me. Two of the songs chosen by the ministers today nearly broke my self-control. The first one was 'Jesus, What a Beautiful Name'. It's a simple song, but it just resonates so much as it was one of the ones sung when I really committed to being a Christian back in year 9. So I was sitting there, eyes welling up, but I made it through that one. The second one that I saw come up and went 'oh no' was ... BUGGER IT. It was important, so why did I forget it?
Moving on. I managed to control myself for the entire meeting, (which is a fair effort, for me) that is, until they made the announcement about our family. Mum had been crying for a few minutes (I noticed because she stopped singing) and that was making me start tearing up a little. But the thing that got me? My Dad started crying. I have only ever seen him cry once in my life - I was seven, and my Nanna (his mum) had just died. I was young enough that I didn't really understand a lot of the conversation flying over my head - but seeing Dad cry scared the absolute shit out of me and it showed me that something was very wrong. It doesn't scare me any more, but that was just the last little thing. It wasn't that I missed my old church as it is now, rather that I miss it as it was. I know that's not helpful for anybody, but that's just the way it is. I've also found it really hard to connect at the new one I've been going to on and off, it's just so different from everything I've known. I'll get there, I know I will, but it's going to take a long time.
I'm glad to say my day got a lot better from there! N came over this afternoon, so we could get organised and pack. Twas fun - and pretty funny because we were both pretty out of it. For example, multiple times I went to do something and would completely lose my train of thought. I think we got everything we wanted to done, so all is good. *grins*
I am so excited. *bounces*
Plus, I bought Love Actually - which I am about to go clean up, and then watch it.
Rdm
