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rdm_ationA summary of the past few days, and my bleh mood today.
I need to practice. I need to practice. I need to practice.
I'm repeating that in the hope that motivation will appear out of nowhere - it is nonexistant at the moment. Of course, as Murphy's law would have it, now is when I need to be practising like mad for auditions but I can't do anything constructive! GAHHH Oh and yes, every time I decide I'm going to go downstairs and just start playing anything to keep my tone quality up, Mum starts singing. I was planning on going in to uni today and confining myself to a room with my violin but I'd somehow forgotten that mum's recital is today - and that I'd already promised I'd go. I love you Mum, I really do, but today I just really can't be bothered! >.< But I can't say that, I'm not that mean =P
I actually wish my auditions were this week, because then I could force myself and they would be OVER.
All I really want to do is go shopping - but I have no money for that. Haha. Perhaps I could go scout for Christmas presents (only for my family, everyone else is getting an IOU from my trip)
I am still so tired, and I'm not sure how. I'm really hoping I'm not getting sick or something. Let me outline how exhausted I've been:
Thursday night: crash into bed as soon as I get home from the last orchestra concert under the current conductor (which was pretty good for an amateur orchestra performing on a professional orchestra's rehearsal schedule)
Friday: get up at a reasonable hour to go search for diaries (and end up buying one of those very pretty leather-bound journals - 30% off and I was planning to buy one to write in while I'm away anyway) and wander for a couple of hours with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
harpisan . I get home, and start reading 'The Secret Garden' - this lasts about half an hour before I put the book down and go to sleep. I wake up a couple of hours later but end up falling straight back asleep. The next time I wake up it's 6pm and jump up with a start because my family are heading out to dinner. I get home from dinner, and I crash back into bed again.
Saturday: I'm fine while I'm at work, a little headache-y and still feeling a little sick (damn being a girl, bah) I get home, and spend a quite enjoyable afternoon reading 'The Secret Garden' and listening to the rain on our tin roof. (note: still no practice has been done) I still end up going to bed at a ridiculously early time.
Sunday: sleep in until 11, and basically bum around all day - before going out to dinner with some people from work. It was nice just to chat out of the work context actually. I go to bed at around 11 (a more reasonable time haha) but my brain just refused to switch off. I desperately need a freaking off button. Help??
Which brings me to today - sleeping in again, I guess I'm feeling a bit better but I dunno. Ah well. I'm just in a really bleh mood.
Anyway, on a completely different note there are two songs that have been on repeat in my head these past couple of days (I may not have a shuffle button or an off button but I definitely have a repeat button). One of these is the one in the title of this post, 'Human' by Jon McLaughlin, the other 'The Show' by Lenka. Very different voices, but the sentiments of these two songs are actually kind of similar.
That first line (my title) of 'Human' really resonates with me as often I look back at friendships and wonder just how we got to this point. Both good and bad. Of course, then I over think everything and well, most of you know where that gets me.
After all, we're only human
Always fighting what we're feeling
Hurt instead of healing
After all, we're only human
Is there any other reason
Why we stay instead of leaving
After all
The chorus 'The Show' gets me every time I listen to it, particularly now. It just rings so true to the way my brain operates, and the way life seems to be right now.
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
That last line in particular...
*chuckles wryly* ah dear. I'll get there =)
Speaking of friendships,harpisan 's grandmother said something that made me laugh a little the other night.
Said in a very despairing tone of voice: 'It's a shame you two will have to go separate ways next year'
It made me laugh for a couple of reasons, but it did make me think. Firstly, there is no guarantee that we shall, actually part ways. Mainly because of sheer numerical odds of my obtaining a place where I want to, versus where harpisan wants to go. Secondly, if my friendships relied on being able to see everyone all the time - I'd have no friends left! Bahaha. Just the way she said it was funny.
On a more serious note, I hope that we will remain friends for long after we can bum around the city and make people look at us strangely XD I really think that will be the case - we've just clicked so well. And what can I say, we put up with each other's repetetiveness when it comes to certain people... and we just understand what the other is feeling. More than I can put into a public blog.
That is quite enough rambling from me today, if you got through all of that then kudos to you.
Rdm
I'm repeating that in the hope that motivation will appear out of nowhere - it is nonexistant at the moment. Of course, as Murphy's law would have it, now is when I need to be practising like mad for auditions but I can't do anything constructive! GAHHH Oh and yes, every time I decide I'm going to go downstairs and just start playing anything to keep my tone quality up, Mum starts singing. I was planning on going in to uni today and confining myself to a room with my violin but I'd somehow forgotten that mum's recital is today - and that I'd already promised I'd go. I love you Mum, I really do, but today I just really can't be bothered! >.< But I can't say that, I'm not that mean =P
I actually wish my auditions were this week, because then I could force myself and they would be OVER.
All I really want to do is go shopping - but I have no money for that. Haha. Perhaps I could go scout for Christmas presents (only for my family, everyone else is getting an IOU from my trip)
I am still so tired, and I'm not sure how. I'm really hoping I'm not getting sick or something. Let me outline how exhausted I've been:
Thursday night: crash into bed as soon as I get home from the last orchestra concert under the current conductor (which was pretty good for an amateur orchestra performing on a professional orchestra's rehearsal schedule)
Friday: get up at a reasonable hour to go search for diaries (and end up buying one of those very pretty leather-bound journals - 30% off and I was planning to buy one to write in while I'm away anyway) and wander for a couple of hours with
harpisan . I get home, and start reading 'The Secret Garden' - this lasts about half an hour before I put the book down and go to sleep. I wake up a couple of hours later but end up falling straight back asleep. The next time I wake up it's 6pm and jump up with a start because my family are heading out to dinner. I get home from dinner, and I crash back into bed again.Saturday: I'm fine while I'm at work, a little headache-y and still feeling a little sick (damn being a girl, bah) I get home, and spend a quite enjoyable afternoon reading 'The Secret Garden' and listening to the rain on our tin roof. (note: still no practice has been done) I still end up going to bed at a ridiculously early time.
Sunday: sleep in until 11, and basically bum around all day - before going out to dinner with some people from work. It was nice just to chat out of the work context actually. I go to bed at around 11 (a more reasonable time haha) but my brain just refused to switch off. I desperately need a freaking off button. Help??
Which brings me to today - sleeping in again, I guess I'm feeling a bit better but I dunno. Ah well. I'm just in a really bleh mood.
Anyway, on a completely different note there are two songs that have been on repeat in my head these past couple of days (I may not have a shuffle button or an off button but I definitely have a repeat button). One of these is the one in the title of this post, 'Human' by Jon McLaughlin, the other 'The Show' by Lenka. Very different voices, but the sentiments of these two songs are actually kind of similar.
That first line (my title) of 'Human' really resonates with me as often I look back at friendships and wonder just how we got to this point. Both good and bad. Of course, then I over think everything and well, most of you know where that gets me.
After all, we're only human
Always fighting what we're feeling
Hurt instead of healing
After all, we're only human
Is there any other reason
Why we stay instead of leaving
After all
The chorus 'The Show' gets me every time I listen to it, particularly now. It just rings so true to the way my brain operates, and the way life seems to be right now.
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
That last line in particular...
*chuckles wryly* ah dear. I'll get there =)
Speaking of friendships,
harpisan 's grandmother said something that made me laugh a little the other night.Said in a very despairing tone of voice: 'It's a shame you two will have to go separate ways next year'
It made me laugh for a couple of reasons, but it did make me think. Firstly, there is no guarantee that we shall, actually part ways. Mainly because of sheer numerical odds of my obtaining a place where I want to, versus where harpisan wants to go. Secondly, if my friendships relied on being able to see everyone all the time - I'd have no friends left! Bahaha. Just the way she said it was funny.
On a more serious note, I hope that we will remain friends for long after we can bum around the city and make people look at us strangely XD I really think that will be the case - we've just clicked so well. And what can I say, we put up with each other's repetetiveness when it comes to certain people... and we just understand what the other is feeling. More than I can put into a public blog.
That is quite enough rambling from me today, if you got through all of that then kudos to you.
Rdm
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no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 06:34 am (UTC)Good luck with practicing.
When it comes to sleep and stuff- The reason you can't switch off is BECAUSE you sleep in. Trust me, I'm the expert at that. *chuckles*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 07:07 am (UTC)Thanks
Ahaha I guess... usually I'm not this bad though. Like, I tend to get myself overtired at the end of semesters and such - but I'll have a couple of sleep-ins and then I'm fine again. Actually, I feel a lot better now - and I'm getting up early tomorrow so I think I'll be fine :)