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Oh man, I'd forgotten how much I love his music videos...
He imitates Justin Bieber, excuse my while I go double up with laughter.


So, hey, guys. I am alive, and I am (tentatively) back to livejournal. I'm still not sure how often I will actually post, but this is me promising to try. I've missed you all.

A lot can happen in 2 months... )
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I think the only person who'll read this entire thing is Janna, but I'll post it anyway for future reference ;)
The quiz is here.

Long description is long )

Apart from the random comments about rap and hip hop (I mean, really? what does that have to do with anything?) and a couple of vaguely contradictory points I think this sums me up pretty well.


I had a really good day today - despite the utterly miserable weather. Rained all afternoon and was so cold.
I had another Alexander lesson this morning, and it's awesome that she is in a band with my regular teacher - apparently Andrea told her she was impressed with me last lesson. ALSO she was so encouraging, saying things like 'you are a fantastic player, you just need to stop thinking so much and restricting yourself' - completely matter-of-fact. I've really needed to hear that this past week. I could feel myself playing better as the lesson progressed, and was enjoying myself a LOT more. These lessons are the best decision I've made in a long time.

This afternoon I saw harpisan for the first time in ages, and it was awesome just to hang out. Wandering up and down this cool little street near her place, drank chai lattes (my new addiction) and then admired all kinds of clothes/shoes/random things in awesome shops. Oh and this awesome little indie music store that apparently sells pizza and has gigs etc. Must check those out sometime. I bought Eagle and Worm's album - going to their gig in a couple of weeks so I am excited!

Quick post tonight, I should get back to work but chances are I'm just going to procrastinate some more and then sleep.
Rdm

Contrast

Jul. 3rd, 2011 09:46 pm
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 Well, I'm not sure that the past few days could have been more different.

Friday was my uncle's funeral, which I won't say too much about but it was a good service, and very appropriate to him. Which is all anyone can hope for really. I love my family to pieces, I mean, who else could have a funeral that includes a rewrite of 'Long Way To The Top' as sung by his siblings and be so irreverent... but still be so meaningful.
I worked out early on that I was going to be the one that held myself together the best - and sure enough I was. I made it through with only a few tears shed in the final song, whereas the rest of my family were pretty much crying constantly. *shakes head* I don't know where I pull that from, I always feel like I cry at everything. I've had two separate people tell me that this doesn't surprise them in the slightest, and I guess it makes sense but it still felt weird.
Of course, heading to work on Saturday morning Will I? from Rent came up on shuffle and I lost it. I hadn't had enough sleep, I was emotionally drained, and ended up crying pretty much the rest of the way to work. Pretty telling huh XD

Saturday was my 21st, with masses of people. Mostly family (from Mum's side - ie all the people who are mourning my uncle) so I thought it was going to be interesting. True to form, no one else would have even realised there was anything wrong - we certainly do know how to have a good time. Speaking of, there were heaps of family members that I hadn't seen in years and years so it was great to chat for a while, even if it was only for small amounts of time.

I got home from work, got massively behind my planned schedule, and then roped Ame into helping me out with decorations as well as doing my make-up (she did an amazing job <3).
The food from the caterers was really good, as were the slices Mum and I spent all week baking if I do say so myself. I took heaps of photos, so I will try to remember to post one later on!

I got so many lovely presents, so much utterly gorgeous jewellery (including two pairs of real diamond earrings which made me flail both times THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU) and a fair bit of cash and vouchers which I am plotting how to spend now. I can finally buy a few things off my wishlists that I've had going since the start of the year. Everyone was so generous, I was a little overwhelmed.
Said wishlists are also very telling about me, I think almost every single item has something to do with music. Except the Tamora Pierce books that my brother is giving me money for (enough for an entire series fdjhksfvhfref WHY SO AWESOME?!)

I have to say, I got off pretty easily with the speeches - pebblegosling was skyping in, and she would have spoken up if she was there - and I daresay she would have embarrassed me more than my parents did. My brother made a really cute speech though.
Although, they did show this video of me singing when I was about 5 years old. I was so not in tune it made me cringe. At least I was cute... XD
Actually the most mortifying moment was completely unintentional on my Mum's part - I wanted the ground to swallow me because I know what dirty minds my friends have. My brother was doubled over he was laughing that hard... My mum was talking about how she'd at least taught me 'how to open her mouth wide' or something like that. My god. I'll leave that there now...

Today I got up at 10:30 to see those who'd stayed over off, stayed on tumblr and bookmarking fic for later, went back to bed for 3 hours despite my brother drumming, finally decided to get up, read said fic, went out for dinner with the work crowd, and now I'm back here planning on starting a TV show marathon - Doctor Who, Secret Diary of a Call Girl or Downton Abbey, I haven't quite decided yet. Pretty perfect come-down, I must say.

Bye for now!
Rdm
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 I really love this song, but somehow I always forget about it. I should download it, really.

In a related note, I really need to remember the line in my title. If I'm being honest, I am struggling to hold myself together at the moment. My good old distraction techniques work for the most part, but when I actually think about some of the stuff that's going on around me I just get really overwhelmed and upset. Plus, I had a flashback last night to my days at my old school because of a line in a fanfic I read (I never know what will get to me) and so that really doesn't help.

I don't really know what else to say about my week, except that it has been ridiculously up and down at best. snuggle_monster and I had an awesome musical night at my place, even if the musical part of that night was cut rather short. Oh well, we still managed to talk until 5am. Skill, we have them.

I then proceeded to sleep through my alarm, and got pissed off at myself for a number of reasons, and kind of exploded.
snuggle_monster, I'm sorry. I actually just needed to vent, and cry, and your logical and sensible arguments went completely unheeded and I apologise if I bit your head off unreasonably. I scare myself when I get like that, because I literally just don't comprehend reason - instead I am upset for the sake of being upset. Thank goodness I don't get like that often.

I forget that I'm not expected to know what to do at all times.

Anyway, enough of that. I have so much to do but I can hardly get myself to start (let alone finish) anything, what else is new... Procrastination you suck. I just know I'm going to end up winging my Indo oral exam, I just know it. I do have English notes, I just have to look up some key words and I do have all of tomorrow. Panic hasn't set in yet because of that.
I need to practice desperately. Oh, and my violin decided that last night was a brilliant time to start buzzing, 3 weeks out from my exam. Great.
I also have a list of random errands a mile long - most of which involve cash and so have been put 'on hold' as such until I get paid this week. Better be on time of I will throw something. I'm pretty sure I'll be flat broke in about a week or so. Fun times.

OH! In better news, I have my car back!! =D
Freedom is sweet. I won't be taking it for granted again for a while. and driving like a grandma
My Dad is also amazing, and I don't have to pay him back for anything until I get a full time job. So I owe a hell of a lot of money, but it's alright for now.

One last thing, I am turning 21 in less than a month. When did that happen?
My parents have decided that I should have a big party (I was going to go with smaller events, but hey i'm not complaining if they're paying...) so I'm currently trying to work out logistics. Just another method of procrastination.

I really should go now. Really really.
So. Bye. *waves*
Rdm
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 This weekend was awesome. I went on a 'camp' with N's church group, and it was so lovely just to be able to stop and relax for a day.
I did feel a bit anti-social, because I got there and had no energy so I chilled with my phone's slow internet and my Glee playlist on my ipod, but then I got dragged into a hilarious game called 'last word' that had us all in hysterics. And ate copious amounts of amazing food, and general silliness.
I got home, and have just been messing around here.

I did have a couple of moments on the weekend that I want to share though. It was a bit strange to be back in a Bible study kind of thing after a year of struggling with my faith and not going to church - but I couldn't have asked for better people to go back to it with. If/when I move over that side of town, I will definitely be going to church there. They feel like home.
In a related note, 'Steer' by Missy Higgins was played while a reflection time was happening, and I freaked out. You see, the very first time I went to this group (they call it 'Deeper') this song came on my ipod on the way home and I was struck with the utter relevance it had to how I felt with them, that I had once again found a spiritual home so to speak. For it to randomly be the song played today? Mind-blowing.


Just one more thing to say. I find the most wonderful things on tumblr. This is a song I love, covered by a different artist that I adore - and that sings in a pretty different genre. Somehow it works. Love her <3


That's all from me tonight!
Happy, relaxed Lauren is happy.
Rdm
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I seem to have been doing this a lot lately, starting a post with a video of this artist. It's because she is amazing, and this song has cheered me up this morning.


It's so bouncy, I love it! (LOL at Darren's dancing too)
I really want to buy her cds, as well as the Starship cast recording. I don't really want to spend any more money until I've sorted out this car insurance crap (the guy hasn't called me back, odd) although I can probably spare it. I also want to buy an actual copy of Darren Criss' EP. Oh and Adele's album. Um. As you can probably guess, most of my money goes on music.

[livejournal.com profile] pebblegosling  just sent me this link, and I can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear someone talk about music like that. I mean, no genre bias, just talking about the music for what it is. One of the many reasons I love this man.

In other news, I am still firmly in denial about how much work I have to do. Like, I know how much there is, I even have a list and it's scarily long, but I can't seem to get myself to start. 
My brain is elsewhere at the moment, and actually, I need distractions more than anything. Perhaps I should go get a massage or something, try to relax. I'll stop this right here before I go around in circles.
Rdm
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 I totally wasn't going to let myself get sucked into this. Nup. But I am hopeless, and so here I am - after [livejournal.com profile] pebblegosling 's post about Myers-Briggs personality typing [livejournal.com profile] bugbeary  informed me of my type. I am in the middle of reading descriptions and I have to say, for someone who's never met me she's done better at typing me than any quiz ever has. Of course, there are some things that don't sit right with me, but I'm so hard to type generally that I'm just going to post the lines that rang so true and had me going 'omg omg omg'.

They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.
- Oh man, that last bit. 

In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved.

ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world.
Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.
- that very last bit not quite so much, but still relevant.

(those are all from here)

ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others.

They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest.
- ummm

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.
Last passage, it's long, but if you do know me read it and you'll know why it's freaking me out right now. Fuuuu

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

(from here)

I'm just a little bit impressed with Janna's typing skills right now, not going to lie.
I'll post a proper update later tonight, but for now this ramble will do!
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I've had a great few days, which I will outline in a minute, but right now my productive and good mood has been sucked away by Victoria Jackson and her idiocy. I'm not going to rant again, but have a look at this post (side note, I got tumblr - doomed I am) and you'll see why.

I've actually been really productive the past few days, practicing well, actually studying in my breaks, orchestra was good - I even came home from rehearsal last night and did more practice. Teaching was great on Monday despite having no breaks at all. 
Oh! I played in string class and it was really encouraging - it's always nice to hear that I'm improving.
Let me see, what else. I finally finished a (rough/out of order) first draft of my English assignment, which I have been procrastinating typing up for about 2 hours now (fanfic ftw).

Wow this entry is all over the place. Right. Today.
I decided that sleep was more important than my 9am class, as I just wasn't awake and alert enough anyway. I stayed up too late last night, it was one of those ones where I looked at my clock after what felt like 30 minutes and it had been hours...
Then, it was off to my lesson - which was really good. This whole planning practice thing is so great. I must keep this up.
After that, I headed into the city to meet harpisan. It was great to see her, even if it was only for an hour. THEN I called sine_animo and we hung out, pebblegosling even joined us for a little while. And snuggle_monster called us and was put on speakerphone because she felt left out. We all need to hang out before you go, pebblegosling... Although our brains may all explode.
The look on sine_animo's face when the other two were on the phone was utterly priceless. TOLD YOU SO.

All of that aside, I got more work done on the train home on this English thing than I did last night. Strange.

Tomorrow I'm going in to uni when I have no classes so I can study. Today I skipped my class at uni... I think I'm doing this backwards. Hopefully I'll be able to hang out with snuggle_monster and Ame as well - I haven't seen them nearly as much as I'd like so far at uni this year.

With that, I bid you farewell.
Rdm 
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 I'm home!

Holiday! )
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I GOT IT!
I got the job! I am so so so happy and excited right now - I mean, this is what I want to do with my life. I can actually make money off my violin. Okay, so it's not perfect. Yet. The guy who runs the music school is this sweet older Indonesian man (I will never get over how happy Indonesians get when they hear you speak even a bit of their language) and he told me on the spot that he wanted to offer me the position, starting this week. Only problem is, he wants me to do Saturdays. Which coincides with my shift at the pharmacy - so I'll have to reshuffle it. At least he did say that if I do a couple of weeks and speak to the parents, I might be able to change days. He was also really pleased to hear I can also teach piano - so I may end up with another day as well. I really want to do this, so off to speak to Dad I go...

Creepy voices, dirty humour and obsession with musicals )

One Thing )
Rdm

PS. Congratulations to Chris Colfer on winning the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor on a TV show, TV movie or mini series!! Eeee! So well-deserved, he is an amazing actor. He also looks gorgeous in that suit. Whoa.
<3
This is absolutely adorable. I love how the cast is such a little family. Just, naww.


"But mostly importantly [a thank you] to all the amazing kids that watch our show and that our show celebrates and are' constantly told 'no' [by] people and environments and bullies at school, that they can't be who they are or can't have what they want because of who they are, well, screw that, kids."
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 I have been trying to work up the energy to write this post for nearly two whole days now. It was meant to be a New Years Eve thing but what with phone calls and sleeping in and the show I got a bit behind schedule. Then I went out, got home at 2am, and had to work at 9am this morning. My room still has clothes all over it and that has been on my to-do list for a few days now. But I digress. I thought I'd reflect a little on my year and write it down for once, I'm always interested in how things change. This still counts, because it's not the end of New Years Day yet. Right? =D

So here we go.

2010 was the year:

My year was eventful, apparently )

Wishing you all a happy year to come.
<3
Rdm
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 I have had a fantastic couple of days. Firstly, well, I overslept (again) and had to rush to meet up with some people from my old church for lunch. Which was boring, but made bearable by the very cute waiter serving us. Tehehe.

After that, I headed home again because [livejournal.com profile] pebblegosling  was coming over so we could go to a carols service (at the church my parents go to now). It was fun, actually, and I am definitely more in the Christmas spirit now. Which is great. It reminded me a lot of what I miss about going to church. And also what I don't miss, which turned into an interesting (and slightly heated, on my part) discussion about faith vs religion.

More about my weekend )

Nine Things )

And because I simply can't help myself, have another Darren Criss video. 'You know it's a party when the suspenders come off ... I don't need them, my pants are staying up just fine.'
[livejournal.com profile] snuggle_monster 's response to that: damn.

Rdm
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There is a particular type of bush whose scent always reminds me of my Nanna, simply because she had many of them in her front garden. I actually have no clue what type of tree it is at all, but it makes me nostalgic about playing in her yard and the playground near the house, and Grandpa and Nanna spoiling us kids rottten.
<3
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I keep watching the video of the Glee version of 'I Look to You' even though it keeps making me cry. It just sums up so much of the emotional turmoil that I've been through over my lifetime, especially regarding my faith. The understated (for Amber Riley) way she sings it just adds to that. This is what I hold onto.
I love that tv shows, once in a while, throw something up that is actually meaningful. The way they handled the whole theme of religion impressed me greatly. No one group was made to look stupid (well, some characters were but that was for humour's sake - and it was intentional). It's always music that gets me. Always.
It also leads me to say thank you to my friends who accept that I believe what I do, and don't attack me for it. I appreciate this more than I often say <3

(clip here, no youtube links that aren't just the song) 
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Title means: You must return (home).

Considering I was running on about 5 hours of really shitty sleep, today turned out to be a pretty decent day.

uni, uni, uni )
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So. It's late, and I probably should be in bed as I am rather tired from a really long drive home (stupid roadworks) - but tonight I just really wanted to post.
I'm not sure how I'll get this into words, but I'm sure going to try.

Tonight, I went to the youth Bible study group that is a part of my friend N's church. It's like something has been switched back on - suddenly, I feel home again among people of my faith. It's incredible how these things work out. I can't really explain it, it is just a feeling I get when I'm with them. They are awesome, and friendly, and I just fit there. It's not just getting the giggles over catching awkward-seeming parts of conversation, or over someone trying to entwine their arms and clap (don't ask XD) or just finding a bit about these people that makes me feel like this. When we actually started the serious part of the evening - I felt comfortable to speak up. And having what I actually say challenged, in the most supportive environment possible, was refreshing. It sounds strange, but it can be too easy to slip into having what I say about my faith just accepted and not discussed. This kind of discussion really is what I need to grow as a person.
I hadn't realised how much I've been missing this. I knew I missed how my old church used to be, but sitting there tonight, listening, talking, showed me just how much I need it. It's funny how things work out sometimes.

On another note, I have finished all but one easy short piece of work for this week. It's the first time in a week or so that I've felt on top of things. Consequently, I actually feel relaxed and content for the first time in a while. As opposed to spurts of happiness followed by stress.

And now, I say goodnight!
Rdm
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Let me begin by saying that I love 'Grey's Anatomy'. I really do. I'm one of those people who will watch it until it gets axed, no matter if that's another season or 10. Sometimes, I have no idea why I am so addicted to it. Yes, it can be funny, but it's not a comedy. It's a medical drama - and I'm not so good with blood... It is now so convoluted and soap-opera-esque that sometimes even I (a fan from the very beginning) can't follow it. But sometimes, just sometimes, it just gets it right.

A clip of a great show, and uni ramblings )
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Well here I am. It's the 30th of December 2009 and I am sitting here with my pack full, going over my list a thousand times, and looking forward to tomorrow. But at the same time, I don't believe it. I have no idea where this year went - it seems like it was only recently that N and I were saying to each other "we could go" ...
I tell everyone I'm excited (which is true) but I'm also nervous as hell. My first big trip without anyone older and wiser so it's scary, but it will be awesome.

These past two days have been so great, but I'm too tired to go into all of that now.
On that note, I bid all you Melbournites farewell for a month - and when I come back we shall hang out and watch a million movies and the like. Because we can.

Rdm

PS I will try to post here as much as I can, no guarantees though. xx
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I swore to myself I wouldn't cry this morning. I almost suceeded too.

(Musings on church) )

I'm glad to say my day got a lot better from there! N came over this afternoon, so we could get organised and pack. Twas fun - and pretty funny because we were both pretty out of it. For example, multiple times I went to do something and would completely lose my train of thought. I think we got everything we wanted to done, so all is good. *grins*
I am so excited. *bounces*

Plus, I bought Love Actually - which I am about to go clean up, and then watch it.
Rdm
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I've met some folks who say that I'm a dreamer
And I've no doubt there's truth in what they say,
But sure a body's bound to be a dreamer
When all the things he loves are far away
And precious things are dreams unto an exile
They take him o'er the land across the sea
Especially when it happens he's an exile
From that dear lovely Isle of Innisfree



I know this is probably a pointless exercise as none of them will read this, but:

To the people on the train and at the station this morning, thank you for reminding me that people do care - even about random crying girls on the train. Whether it was giving me tissues, making jokes about how crappy public transport is, or just simply putting their hand on my shoulder and asking if there was anything they could do to help me out. It probably felt like nothing, but I can't describe how much better those simple gestures made me feel.

Hello faith in humanity, where have you been?

As to the reason I was crying, well, events of the past couple of months just hit me again. I manage to be so in control most of the time so unlike me actually but today I just lost it.
K, I miss you so much.

I was kind of embarrassed at my little outburst there - but one thing I did find funny was that J, our ensemble tutor, somehow managed to appear once I got to the station red-eyed and drained. This is funny/strange/embarrassing because she must think I'm an absolute sook. I've broken down once, chucked a hissy fit another time, and now was just randomly at the station after I'd been crying yet again.
*laughs* Ah well.

Speaking of ensemble *runs around in panicky circles* as much as I think the piece we are playing is awesome - it is so freaking hard. 7 quavers against 6 is NOT FUN. *calms down* We'll get there. With a bit of luck (please please please let our exam be late)

Aside from all of that, the rest of the day was alright - [profile] harpisanand I found nachos (we *wanted* to be healthy but the place didn't have any vegetarian options left) and wandered down to Southern Cross station admiring all of the expensive but pretty dresses and bags in the shops we found. Oh, and the same can be said for the cakes. Admiring, putting them on the list, and continuing to walk.

*sigh* Nothing constructive is getting done, maybe I'll go watch Glee (I'm ashamed to say I'm hooked) and go to bed. Up early tomorrow. Again.

Rdm

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